“It’s so unfair. Nice guys always finish last.”
We’ve all heard it before: the idea that guys who are kind and treat a girl well never actually get the girl. They lose her to the “bad” guy who doesn’t treat her right and cheats on her and is just an all-round asshole blah blah blah.
There’s countless articles about why this is; studies and reports telling you that women enjoy a “challenge” and are naturally more attracted to men who aren’t “easy”, but I’m not going to talk about that.
Not just because I think it’s been done to death but because I think there’s a much simpler truth behind it.
But we’ll come to that later. First of all, let me explain to you my biggest problem with the whole “nice guy” pity-party.
You say “nice guy”, I hear “bullshit”
In my experience, any self-declared “nice guy” isn’t a nice guy.
You see, the real good people don’t feel the need to shout around that they are good and try and convince everybody and wear it like a badge on their chest. They don’t need to try and prove anything because a truly good soul will shine through; it will be clear in their actions and their attitude.
So you telling me you’re a “good guy” instantly puts up red warning flags for me. It instantly makes me think the exact opposite. And maybe you really are a good guy but all I think is, “what is he trying to prove?”, and guess where you end up?
At arms length, at the back of the line, because I don’t fucking trust you.
GUYs: honesty is your greatest ally
The whole “but I’m a nice guy, I promise” thing doesn’t sit well with me because I instantly feel like you’re being dishonest and this is why, and this is going to sound weird but bear with me, more often than not, I have more respect for the “assholes” than I do for the nice guys.
Because, most of the time, they are honest.
If a guy comes up to me and says “Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you and that’s the only reason I am talking to you“, sure I’d be somewhat affronted and tell him to fuck off BUT, I actually have more respect for Mr-Hey-Baby than I do for Mr Nice Guy and you know why?
Because there’s no bullshit. Nada. We cut straight to the chase. If it also happens to be what I want, cool, let’s go. If not, also cool. I can say no, not interested. And in this way, everybody has saved time and nobody’s been messed around because right from the start we were honest and upfront about what we want and what our expectations are.
Then you’ve got Mr No-No-I-Promise-I’m-a-Nice-Guy. You know the type. They parade around acting all “nice”, telling you how “good” they are, and you know what? They’re always the ones that mess you around the most. Because they have exactly the same thing on their mind as Mr-I-Wanna-Sleep-With-You but they try and cover it up and sugercoat it. At least when you get involved with an arsehole, you know what you’re getting yourself in for.
So just be honest. Save everyone the hassle and time. At the end of the day, I have more respect for an upfront, honest dickhead than I do for a bullshit good guy.
So, maybe you’re already being honest, maybe you’re already being clear with your intentions and expectations, yet you still feel like you’re coming last. “But I’m a nice guy! Why is this happening?!”
If you genuinely are a good guy, that’s great. Really, it is. It will get you far in life, it will bring you happiness and it will, one day, lead you to somebody who is just as good as you and is perfect for you and deserves your love and kind heart and goodness.
But in the meantime, stop thinking it’s enough.
Because it’s not enough to be “nice”
Let’s just clear something up.
Guys: it’s not that you are “finishing last”. It’s just that there is absolutely no reason that you being “nice” means you should be finishing first. It doesn’t work like that.
A woman or man’s reason for being with you shouldn’t be based on the fact that you are “nice” to them. This is basic human behaviour and it does not, my dear boys, get you ahead. It doesn’t make us instantly attracted to you. You don’t get brownie points for being “nice”. You’re a human being: “nice” is what you’re supposed to be.
Dear All Nice Guys
To all the guys who are tired of “finishing last”. This is for you.
Despite what you might read in magazines or internet articles, girls don’t want to be with assholes. Trust me. We don’t want to be with guys who cheat and lie and make us feel tiny and weak. We want the good guys, of course we do. But we want a lot more than that as well. And you have to do more than just be “good”. Because “good” doesn’t sweep us off our feet.
Stop whinging and crying about the fact that you’re such a “nice guy” but she just doesn’t like you back. Of course she doesn’t, asshole, because it’s not enough.
And not in a “women are princesses and need to be spoiled “ way, but in a “being good is a basic human principle so why should you get rewarded for it” kind of way. In a “okay… show me what else you’ve got” kind of way.
There’s a lot of things men do to us that we, as women, have become accustomed to and so, when Mr-Nice-Guy comes along and we are confronted with the opposite, we’re made to feel like it’s something special and that we owe him something.
let me Stop you right there
I’m not gonna suck your dick just because you treated me nicely. This is what you’re supposed to do.
I don’t think you’re “the one” because you look at my eyes instead of my body when you talk to me. This is what you’re supposed to do.
You don’t get a golden ticket and a god damn queue skip when you say “it’s okay, we don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to.” This is not you being a “nice guy”. This is a basic human moral. This is what you are supposed to fucking do.
So to sum up?
You’re not finishing last. This isn’t the fucking Olympics.
And if it is?
The one that you want is on the track and they’re running and… where are you? You’re not even in the race. No, you’re sitting at the side, waving your little flag of support, wishing your team would see you and appreciate you.
And your team see you, they do, but you’re one of thousands of people waving their flag. It’s not enough. Do something.
Get on the track, and get sprinting.
Quit being the nice guy. Be the guy that got off his ass, got out of the crowd, got on the track and ran after what he wanted.
(Lol but not in a creepy way.)
Nice guys don’t finish last, they just need to get themselves in the race.
Over and out.
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